Overcome a Poor Working Relationship
Resolve Issues Efficiently and Effectively
Once you open the door, it is usually fairly easy to get most people to talk about the problems they see in the working relationship. Usually, they are as unhappy with the current situation as you are and are looking for some fair process to resolve the issue. Often, the simple act of talking about the problem, sharing perceptions of what is going on and why matters have degenerated to this point opens up new lines of communication. In my experience, this type of conversation builds mutual understanding, which then provides you with room to find ways to improve the situation (perhaps by promising to communicate better going forward, by exchanging apologies or by providing an explanation for misinterpreted actions).
These conversations are never easy, but they can be quite effective. One of my clients had great success by saying, "You always say I don't get it. Well, this time I am listening. Tell me what it is that you think I don't get." The other person was happy to provide a list of complaints. Then my client said, "Fine. I want to work with you to address those matters. I also want you to know that there are some important issues that I feel you don't get. I'd like to share those with you now, and then we can discuss both sets of issues."
After you have done the best you can to address the relationship issues, you can return to the reasons you are having these discussions in the first place -- the raise, promotion, change in job responsibility or transfer you have been seeking. Only now you will find a person with whom it is much easier to deal. Where before there may have only been stony silence, tension and stress, there should be more open dialogue and problem solving. Effective and good working relationships are essential to productive negotiations. If they do not exist, you have to take time to develop them. It will never be easy, but it is always valuable.
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